Personal Log *something something number*

I couldn't find a place where any of my friends would find this. But I couldn't keep it in due to overwhelmingly sad emotions of helplessness. Mayhaps they find it or not, I don't mind, however I just want to let it out.

Right now, I have driven a nail on someone I shouldn't have. There is true regret in my mind right now. The respect and trust I could've maintained got a wee bit shaken, like a lot, and the wee bit just flew off the rails.

So from this point on I'm in my mind set to let the cat free of my care, personally and whatever the other side feels of. Right now, I trapped two cats inside of me. Nurtured in the way a inexperienced owner would have done. The cats had an instruction manual, but it wasn't exactly as accurate as I thought it would since changes greatly varied.

From the point of their changes the manual kind of failed and I blindly just grasped around for it that it ended quite horribly. Not grotesque cause it would be extreme to say it did. Actions didn't help, and thinking of solutions on your own would just end up trapping the two cats deliberately into a turmoil of confusion.

In the end after trying and failing on majority of the things you think would be a fine solution, you end up with things you wouldn't think over during the course of learning about them.

1. Patience
2. Acceptance
3. Learning

And maybe a little bit more into looking into what your significant cats are and are not.


This is a clear impasse on what I perceive I should be doing, what my life was, what my life is. Just an unlucky current phase where I couldn't find joy in things for my own limits fault. Being free from my own restraints will be the best solution for this, may providence guide me and probably let me see the light in things again. Despite seeing and being in the dark.

 

Original Character Archive . 6 of my Oldest

Back in College I had tons of time in my hands and enjoyed illustrating tons of stories in short doodles, or write the ideas in some kind paper doing my best to string words pretending to be a writer in my own world. Sadly I never got to finish any good writing in them, but the idea's are still recorded, all kept hidden in some treasure box I couldn't remember where I placed. It was only during this part of my life that I got to record my stories properly, at least after my fourth year of high school when I obsessed for some time on a story I didn't get truly to finish even though I've written a draft of fifty pages.

Realizing that I enjoyed writing the idea's or stories despite not finishing them had myself become obsessed, or like a part of my life, to keep tabs of all the characters I could keep and integrate them in my stories in the future. Usually I form a sort of original character and the story comes along, or vice-versa, what ever idea I needed to form into. Like a normal creative person could do, in whatever means they know.

The longest running characters in my head are 6 of my oldest children, by my creative brain. They're different from my persona like characters named Hi and High, both androgynous looking semi-guess-the-gender type of characters since I never truly gave them a definitive description but that Hi looks like a boy that dresses like a girl sometimes and High is vice-versa.

The 6 children we're beings from the story I made in my head about a boy who lived in a place that had nothing but the only known land he walks on while outside of it are what I call the Blank Canvas. A universe counter-part from ours, where only white can be seen. The idea of that concept can be clearly depicted in one scene from Coraline, 2009 fantasy movie from the book authored by Neil Gaiman, where Coraline has already solved the mystery of the realm she entered and is slowly dissolving into it's original form. I couldn't explain it well but the gist of it is that.

The universe this Boy lives in is a mixed-race realm where there is no deep conflict despite having problems or miscommunications. They are governed by the library and guardians of a crystal tower. Events unfold and a world altering scenario changes his life, and what he meant in the world, he is neither an under-achiever or an under dog though. But his youth is something that makes him an under dog. Proving himself to other's didn't become obvious at first, which probably what he didn't figure out in the first parts of the story.

It's a usual shounen like story that I always read or watch in the anime's that I've encountered back in my college days. And drawing them again in a style as animated as the first image made me feel alive and awesome in my own skin. Something I've been missing these past few days as a working adult worrying about too many things in life. Right now I'm going to focus on creating my comics Tamtam, despite not it having started yet. This year end months had so much in it that the stress I got from it became too much that even my romantic head had wrapped around in a bobble of anxious dilemma.

I'm not going to put my characters details cause I've re-written their existence right now into different roles for Tamtam. A far cry from the fantasy-adventure story I had intended them to be in, although fantasy is still in it plus a little hints of the old story they original came from. Either way, encountering nostalgia in this sense gives much motivation to focus on things in a positive way, which is always what these entries I end up writing end in. Noting positivity like I was the most optimistic being in my planet.

Komikon Aftermath . Petshap Inc's out there! . After thoughts

Today is monday, Nov.21st, the day after the two day rush of adrenaline local comics convention (sigh of relief) and to this day I have never felt as well satisfied as the first time I've attended an event to sell my stuff back at my first Ozine indie table.

Source

This is the first convention that I didn't create and sell a new title of any kind, one-shot or any of the series I have or currently want to create. Instead we, my friend and I, pushed and promoted our semi-business art group Petshap Inc's. Despite my demeanor through out the event for being sick, the first two days of my budding sniffles and coughs that eventually turned full fledge phlegm war, I had the opportunity to work out some sweat and suck up my guts into focusing semi-full in marketing and trying our best being sellers. I didn't get to sell much, as a sales person, according to my opinion and of course comparing it to some of the people who I saw. But seeing our merchandise get attention and well enough recognition says quite a lot. Not to mention the appreciation for our artworks that were on the items we sold.

Yes, the prices we're not that satisfyingly good to even consider getting all the capital we had to give, but the exposure was well worth (although, we honestly sold a lot in the first day and a few for the second). Now just a little bit more push to our aim, and knowledge of what the people actually do want, we can move forward on events and occasions where we will have the opportunity to plan and sell our items and talents again.

This is a laughing matter, considering that I'm almost half way into giving up on fully making an effort again yet here I see our hard worn efforts into making these items becomes something uplifting, even if it was just a little. Truly a rewarding moment for me, and any negative thoughts may come, it still would no dampen that small feeling of letting our efforts be appreciated by any means.

To my comics making, it won't go away, it won't leave my heart. And even if I am able to say that somehow I am more eager to give attention and support to Petshap Inc's, my side as a comics creator felt effectively fueled. After seeing our table mates Pop Shop's comics creators for the title of Tanod and Mang Jose, which sad to say I never got to truly browse and give praise cause I was to shy and other stuff (thanks hesitant last minute self), there was that admiration I had that won't go away still for awesome comics makers out in the field. Indie and unpicked by any specific publishers or well on their way to publish-dom.

Source

The same goes for Petshap Inc's that is either on it's path to being a design for commission group or design group for items that can be given as gift that are awful fancy and cute, pretty long interpretation of the path but oh-well, there is never going to be a good day for me but if I choose to be happy even for the simplest of these moments, then I thank providence for all these fortunate things however small.

Soon Petshap Inc's will be having it's tiny process of refurbishing aims again, while my new comics title will be done and on it's way to a good hope and future.

Age and time may hinder me, yet the efforts of these two days are truly a blessing even if I was sick and I couldn't successfully make any rounds around.

Also first time experiencing so many, at least around five, people asking for a commission from me, such tiring interactions to humans that I guess I am alright with. Work stress to develop my skills are always welcome.

Spread them Wings . Bound in Blood first Review

Today I received word that the comics I drew "Bound In Blood" got it's first review by Outright Geekery.

Link to Review

Review wise, it's my first to ever see one, my old webcomics had a review of it's own but I had to stop working on it because I lost my own motivation to do so, still it's not that bad. Having people review your work is the best thing, whether it's to criticize it or not.

Honestly was hoping there would be reviews that are critique heavy in terms of developing the comics, but reviews to help spread the word is good as well. Also, critique heavy ones might not even be that reasonable cause it's only the first issue, having positive ones will always be an expected one.

On the side note, we are finally spreading out on announcing Petshap Inc's attendance in November Komikon 2016. And finally getting myself to finish prepping things. (printing final sets of ad's, photo-cards to sell, tags for the coin purses, etc.)

Also had a fuck up with this file. I saved it and over wrote on the psd file converting it into a jpg. I don't know how it happened, seriously do not. For the better I just didn't want to think anymore and am glad that I finished the layout without that much problem. Still, good bye editable file, if I wanted to use you again I might never. The end.

Komikon 2016 . Petshap Incs

Here we go again. November is coming and Komikon, the premiere comics convention in the Philippines (I don't really know if it's premiere or anything, but it's one of the well known), is just around the corner!

Me and a few friends of mine formed a group that focuses on Line and Doodle art works. The groups name is Petshap Inc's, sort of a word play for Ink's since majority of our works will be black and white emphasizing our skills to create from pen and ink, and our "pet" name for our group of friends that we just kind of tagged on ourselves out of fondness. Six years has passed since our college days, or the year we kind of just stuck with each other yet we're still growing strong, or any kind of metaphor strong could apply in our bond as friends.

This year end, we're going on an epic journey to introducing ourselves into the realm of business. (insert party poppers and dab-jamming here)

Check it!

Featured in this group as artist contributors are Briks (frozenpillows on IG) and yours truly typing away (pansikoser on IG). We've been actively uploading on our redbubble site, but have limited social marketing for it, still it ain't that bad to consider as we are still both struggling and it's only the first few months of our own plights. Still, trying to make a mark in this industry (that feels quite somewhere there but not) we've opted to sell merchandise designed by us.

Petshap Inc's IG

Coin purses. Yes, our designs, printed on canvas cloth and sewn to perfection. The designs on it were specifically intended to be laid out as pattern designs. It was quite fascinating to do such designs, although having no idea on what to put on them is a bummer. But there's nothing better than seeing your project come into fruition.

And this coming Komikon will be our setting stone!

Last year I didn't get to sell much of my self drawn comics, although this year I'm doing a different project I'm still going to sell some of my titles. Originally I had intended to create a new comics series to sell in the indie section of Komikon, Indieket, but I had been going through some mishaps in producing pages for the story and the story itself. Being unsatisfied with a story has always been a mishap for me, but I'm honest enough to say I'm more eager to start and completely finish this future project.

Anyway we still don't have the details for where we will be placed in the convention but I hope it's going to be good, probably get the details this coming saturday.

Watch Me: movie lising: Donnie Darko (2001)

There is nothing wrong with the concept of just clearly messing up time and space. Time travel, cross examination of existence between time lines, I guess making an effort to live life like so, discovering the definition of life changing and life ruining.

These days I find myself not enjoying any much content in any media for various 'I'm tired' reason. This prompted me to just embrace that too sensible or serious side and watch tons of physics and life questioning related movies. Psychological thrillers or just plain existentialism in movie platform are nice to watch, they pull strings that I couldn't feel sometimes. Or I feel it too much I've gone numb?

Last night I skipped working, just a bit, to finally watch Donnie Darko (2001) and a bit of Source Code (2011), since I was too sleepy the hour I watched the latter. Both are movies with Science-fiction concepts, Source Code with the stronger Scifi vibes, and both starred Jake Gyllenhaal, which I just realized when I started to watch Source Code. It wasn't intentional when I looked them up and went on and got a copy of the movies.

Donnie Darko has been in the list of my 'I'm highly curious' but 'I just couldn't get to you due to priorities are different' reasons of not watching it the moment I saw a tidbit info about it. There aren't much of a reaction for me on the movie since everything in it felt dream like, which they are. Fun was one word for the story, where in a sense the ending clearly concluded a good ending for the plights of Donnie who was clearly disturbed mayhaps for a semi-realistic or purely science fiction reasons.

Everyone in the world should try and watch Donnie with a sense and purpose of trying to look for easter eggs everywhere in the movie, at least still relating to the story, and never forgetting to set their empathy to a neutral level. Feelings flushed to me when I watched every part of it, shifting every relative sympathy and empathy for Donnie and the characters situation or flow of the story, wherever it lead. On the type of time and space fuck up it used was something I point out as sense of prediction, where everything was a linear end to a means but the ultimate decider still ended with Donnie.

At first you would get a bit confused why the story focused on several lives of characters that seemed insignificant during the course and even the moment they show up in the story, they are however significant in a sense that they formed what kind of Donnie would be by the end of the movie. This story clearly showed a good example of utilizing the characters around the main character, and the setting plot, to evolve them into what they can be. Almost all of them are praise worthy no matter how good or bad, a clear line of grey, their actions were. Except for Frank, who I didn't appreciate how strongly he was present in the whole of the movie, only to be truly introduced to be an almost third tier character related to Darko. His significance was the greatest yet he was the most irrelevant in terms of relation.

That itself makes me think that the person who wrote this story is that awesome, kudos Kelly.

The heaviness of the movie, due to all the psychological elements in it, tends to steer you completely away from the ending that was evident, a clear and obvious sign of Donnie's death or might be the end of his known world. The end can be interpreted in any way possible, but one thing was sure, it was the end for Donnie and him alone. Imagine being flooded by such thoughts at a young age clearly says something about the mentality of his character.

By the time you watch the climax of the movie you will be filled by assurance and hope that maybe Donnie could find a way to fight the inevitable. The end that he so feared, that, the fear he clearly felt drove him to almost endanger every single person important in his life. You can guess by this time that the end that was meant in the movie was his end, yet you question yourself whether he did choose to travel back in time or was it all truly in his head. Evident to the waking dreams of each character that made a grave distinction in his story, to the memorable up to the unpleasant ones.

Questioning the end, like the unconfirmed ending for Inception, is also another sign for me that the movie has truly caught your attention. Whether you get to have an answer for that won't matter, since the movie itself has already finished its purpose.

Telling a tale and making the viewer think for themselves of what is happening, to me, is a very captivating but taxing movie. You'd have to be a mental freak, or curious high mind; or a brain masochist, to enjoy one. Mind you, there is nothing wrong about that, it just means you'd rather have a high end mental entertainment in a level of which you'd rather not want to loose your mind in the course of enjoying everything. On the other, it's nice to get almost mindless and ignorantly stupid, site Angry Birds movie characters, which can also happen during the course in Donnie Darko.

There are that many elements emphasized to make you aware and even shallowly depressed, but it doesn't mean it won't pull you up. Life ups and downs are strongly evident in this story, and nothing short of the term roller coaster will truly miss a beat.

I feel like a child that missed out after watching this movie, now my inner child isn't missing out anymore, except I just need a different kind of outlet to make myself happier than the normal happy. The ignorant happy kind.

Tha's 'Nother Story . fairy tale with a cliff hanger

Source; Story: The Golden Key; Art: pansikoser

I've never encountered the best cliff hanger of a fairy tale in my known time to spend reading one.

Good day. After spending some good breakfast and spent finishing some touches on a project, I thought I could put up some time to look into translated fairy tales online.

Childhood without stories that were aimed to tell a lesson; amuse them, spark a good imagination in their head or just simply pass the time, will make any person from their child days miss out on a lot of things. Fortunately, I grew up enjoying the world of reading; fascinating me enough to be excited and involve myself, even have it as my work. Although I'm a struggling artist and growing slowly towards my goal, I couldn't agree more to go back to different types of genre and scope.

This includes reading fairy tale like stories, the origin of true fantasy and fiction for me.

Children stories have a variety of versions, there are ones from the era of the Grimm brothers and Anderson that based of the child's version of cautionary tales. Generations before them that were passed down from word of mouth that formed legends and mythology, to this age where the realistic the story is that stirs an emotion or scenario the better. Unto ones that were completely bizarre and simply amused you with current trendy and catchy cute concepts of fables or monsters that delved independently to the pursuit of creative essence.

Golden Key

Tells a tale of a boy in the middle of a winter night, or any time of the day maybe unlike the little match girl who spent her time in a snowy night. This boy was poor who intended to never go home due to the state of his life. Freezing, almost no food to eat (maybe?), and no other chances of making things better, he finds himself scraping through the soil to warm himself only to find a tiny gold key, and upon digging deeper, finds a large chest.

Eventually the translation from my source doesn't have any version with the ending. In fact, it just hinted a form of anticipation for the contents, even though it might just end up like Schrodinger's cat. To me, it is either the best cliff hanger or a grand opportunity for a writer to try and end the story themselves. The beginning of the story isn't that much different to whatever style the Grimm brothers wrote in. Yet, the unfortunate lack of ending feels satisfying and not at the same time.

I couldn't even analyze the story's very essence or possible cautionary tale for anyone, just that it's all going to end like Schrodingers cat. The possibility of only bad things coming out from the chest, or may be good things, no one will be sure of. So, maybe, in the end, I could just subjectively make this story a seemingly inspirational one. The positive kind, where one person begins with a sort of reminder that how hard life is don't give up on a pursuit you believe in that will grow into something better in the end, or maybe that the chest will always be a symbol of life's mysteries and surprises.

Either way, looking at the way it was written is enriching enough, I must say. Let it's simplicity just baffle you into it's incompleteness. 

Unpopular Opinion 2-oh-something

Listening to Ruth B's "Lost Boys".

Depicting a story about someone finding their way to a figure like Peter Pan and all the Lost Boys, plus the world of Neverland. I refuse to categorize the gender of her main character in the composition, if she was the one who composed the song, should've looked it up. Either way, resounding songs of juvenile and explorative lines rings through the song like a lovely string of quartet kids laughing around posies and in share spreading giggly life into the gardens of the lost eden.

Yet, this song sang differently for me, as all listeners of any modern released singles and budding musicians in the industry. The song will obviously be subjective and even have an obviously selective crowd, probably the ones who will be enticed by the tune like me (evidently not underrated due to the obvious 34M+ views and 432k likes by youtube statistics).

Stories are pretty song in poem format, sometimes I don't get it in one go and makes me want to listen to them multiple instances whenever I felt like. Maybe in lonely times or in occasions when I feel like drowning myself with a new found song and just let the gush of emotions run through. Like Lady Gaga's "Million Reasons", but this song didn't just ring me up something romanticized.

Through my minds television, I saw my characters from Tamtam, the story playing forthrightly like it never left me. Scenarios string between broken verses that originally did not fit each other. One scene was something from an arch of the story yet to be written, while one connected to the unwritten in the currently written one, maybe will be the consequence of their actions in the future. Like a prediction to what should, but soon it would fade and another scenario would fill it's gap as the song continues to flow.

Until the end, and when I play repeat again, there it is Tamtam, running in my minds TV like a never ending movie.

I've always loved it when my mind feels fueled by music, as if an auto-MV would suddenly direct itself without any supervision from me but the subconscious imagination I've previously done, either repeating or being revised. This kind of thing happens to me tons of times in my younger days. But when I got into the world of "being too tired to even bother for this shit" (work life, normal employee life), I've begun to loose the energy to write or even draw.

That moment of my life was the saddest I've been, besides my indulging to my jealousy, that's a completely different story right there.

There isn't much of an unpopular opinion here, just, that I've forgotten to mention. That if I'd give a gender to the character in the song, I would stick to the original characters from the book the song and the origin of the term "Lost Boys". Wendy, maybe, or just a random girl trying to find her way into a lonely world. A lonely world she just probably couldn't form into a less lonely one due to the lack of motivation. Quote-and-quote.

Sort of completely indulging it like a romantic song, or a coming of age song for the girl. Where she finds someone like a Peter Pan, dragging her away from the lonesome reality and covered her in the magic Peter always brought with him in his pocket, or Tinker Bell even though she wasn't even mentioned in the song. Rude now that I thought of it. (at least it was mentioned as pixie dust)

Think like that, comparing the girl and finding her self in the story, as if all she needed was companionship all along. But, what if it came the time that she realized she couldn't be with her Peter Pan anymore. Like Wendy.

I may dub this an unpopular opinion, but I guess it's an unpopular opinion only to me, you see. There might be just a time right now, currently in my life, that I've just realized that I have woken up from a sort of Neverland. That soon I feel like Wendy leaving Peter Pan and onto a reality. Just a feeling.

There isn't much, just, the change feels painful. I've begun to slowly loose the patience and ability to easily accept things. Mayhaps it's a great change that it feels difficult compared to the other changes in my life. Still, it feels painful, but good just like the song.  

Tamtam and the Update

These days I've stopped creating for my planned webcomics "Tamtam: Peaceful Days", and stopped editing the script for the first arc of the story. But I've come back to edit the story and soon plan on creating the drafts, by pencil, and just post it like that through my webcomics. Mayhaps it would make me successfully practice being a clean pencil artist for my art, and future projects. I could ink them at the same time, but I take ten years to ink, especially in projects that I have to leave them off for the while.

Being slow in the industry of creating my own story and comics is a bit dragging. I won't be sugar coating my sin by saying I'm not jealous of the people who've gone and succeeded in this line of life, but I'm not lying when I say that I get the same heights of inspiration even sometimes greater than my warped jealous self. Either way, the script is in an over haul of almost everything. From the dialogue to terms used, I'm decided as well to incorporate the irony of 'Baybayin' into my story as a language used by mythos like creatures more than modern society.

In the Philippines, there is a local language and alphabet called 'Alibata' or 'Baybayin' that has been used by our natives until the Spaniards came, as I recall or think...or remember. The alphabet isn't exactly dead, but majority of the citizens aren't even versed in it anymore, me included. My father is awesome with tagalog words, that makes me evidently proud about that skill of his. Considering if it IS a skill to completely know more tagalog than english.

Source

Me incorporating 'Baybayin' as an ironic dead language in the universe of "Tamtam" is iconic, in a sense that I want to explore how I could string the world I've concocted and the reality I'm partially basing it from. Along with the fact that I'm introducing furry characters AND mythological representatives, completely based from original Pinoy mythology will be a big thing. Not that I'm following the trend in our comics industry, but I've always wondered how I can explore the stories I create with local fiction and mythological lore.

Filipino mythology is really fascinating, but in my growth as an adult, I've lost some of my fascination with the context like I'm already tired and not even happy to support local product, or information historically for that matter. History, especially the lore and legends, has always fascinated me like a moth into a candles light in my childhood days.

Source

Yet, my memory as good as the misconceptions that of the goldfish (if it IS a misconception that goldfish's memories are short), is completely warped into just retaining only the ones that I need for my current life. See Sherlock BBC, and that episode about him forgetting that Science and the Sun being the center of our known living universe.

This desire must not leave me, that's why I'm writing it here and possibly making a chronicle of my progress, albeit planned only yet and slowly progressing in it. Me, seeing myself researching about how to use 'Baybayin' will be a big thing for me. Putting up an ambition and a goal set helps me a lot.

Pretending to be Inimitable

I used to have a story where the mother of the heroine, heroine named Rui, and her mother was the governess of realms. Like a queen, who used to have a husband but she soon let him go because of political reasons. The man was driven out by her and the council, and soon married a woman who was simple and needed him as well.

I remembered how I always felt that Rui's mother always looked sad but satisfied, knowing that she once loved the man she knew she would always be loyal to but her life and everyone around her prevented them from being together. Sort of like, she became workaholic, and somehow he didn't see it. He believed they could be together, but she knew there we're lesser chances of them being together, and to spare them the pain of it she decided to cut off her ties with him.

Left to her was their daughter, who understood how her mother loved him. The story had them as side characters, but somehow, that's how I wrote her. And that character was almost based to be mine, the mother, the queen.

What a foreboding thing to write about. How selfless but selfish the mother was to the pain, that soon even Rui her child would be solemn but optimistic. Rui was the reason why the met again, not because Rui wanted them to be together again in the flow of the story. The child was intended to save their realm from a certain danger, and it so happened that she needed her father and mothers help to do it.

They helped her of course, but their reunion was only a short time as both of them now has their own lives to live. He to his new family and she to her thrown that she must bravely and strongly govern.

I never knew how painful it felt when I wrote / imagined it, actually, I do. Just that, right now, I feel so sad. Especially for Rui who I sincerely feel her secret want for her parents to be together, but she had learned to accept both their families because she knew she couldn't force them into what she wants.

There's a certain finality with the way I wrote her mothers story. Rui's mother and her father were main characters to a previous story of mine. They we're lead characters in it, the father was the guardian of Rui's mother then, they ended up falling in love with each other. Silently vowing their support to each other like a pendulum of flowing fate.

But circumstances broke them apart, plus the desire for each one to fulfill something they couldn't fill for each other. That in the end, somehow they broke apart. Farther away from the pain.

Rui's mother is a selfish martyr who smiles proudly as she see's the man she once loved happy. While the man, who looked on smiling thinking she was good and well. Not knowing truthfully to each other that somehow they still love each other. Rui knew, but couldn't just ruin the lives they've built.

Definitive and painful. That's how I imagined my characters ending would be. By their subjugation into a circumstance that broke them, I gave a certain goal an opportunity to grow, however tragic, horrific or selfless this goal made them end up to be. Such willies of mine are completely painful. Right now my tears won't stop shedding for them, for those in similar state.

For children who hoped their parents would be together again, yet couldn't. To people who knew the truth of their friends reality, but couldn't help but watch as they unfold a painful disaster happen. All the helpless romantic emotional struggle of the third party who wants to say they shouldn't give up, they must have hope. Don't let that heart weaken. Strive to hold on.

Find a way to hold on. There is still hope. You know there is. Or should you tragically die a heroine or hero, who thinks they're doing the selfless thing when no martyr who died did not think once of regret for their efforts. That even saints surely in their time of death told God of how regretful they may die young, but grateful they will go back to his arms.

Find a way to hold on. And maybe there might be something to save from it. Hoping.

Also, hoping that the thing I wrote got conveyed pretty well even if it was written cryptically.

Bound in Blood-Issue 1 is out now!!!

This is a follow up on one of my projects I've worked on, in collaboration with an author, at the start of this year (2016) and I'm proud to say that it has been released and published online in Comixology (link here).

There isn't enough words for me to express my excitement since it's already been a month now since it was published.

Issue 1 is a slow pace, but it's action packed enough with awesome morbid mystery. Even the Chicago set that I wish I've seen in real life while I researched for references had me pumped.

Doing this project has set my heart to my true goal, especially now that I'm involved again with a new project that I'm currently working on. Details about it will be posted soon on this blog, as active as I can possibly do with my time. The set is fantasy with at least a steam-punk mix with medieval knights and the likes.

The story is as interesting and intense as "Bound in Blood", something I've enjoyed doing since I could remember illustrating my first heavily detailed and gorish art.

If you want to see some of my old works, browsing through my gallery SilentNitingale in DeviantArt would be a good enough. Nowadays I just post them through my Instagram account (if you wanna add me go ahead!).

Starting with this tiny step at this part of my life, I hope that more projects come my way so I could continue illustrating awesome stories. And even start my own.

Them Inktober stuff (so far)

This is just a re-cap post of mine on how many images or inktober illustrations I've done since I started participating. Usually I couldn't force myself to participate long enough with this kind of thing since in the past few years I was completely drained and busy with work. So far, I've just proven that by doing this, it means I've got more time to spare than I thought I had. Much positive, is that conclusion. (laugh, laugh)

Day 1 was something about Fast. So I just drew a snail...

Day 2 have something to do with noisy, so I looked up for the noisiest mammal and somehow the internet says it's the whale. I would agree, especially if I stood beside one and simply heard them "groan" out their call.

Day 3 made me think of something, and so far I didn't have anything so I drew a jar with snot in it. Which just ended up being a soul. Collect a soul.

This was my first cheat day, day 4. It was the week where we we're going to pass pattern designs in our art group/personal business Petshap Inc's. The week was busy, in a sense that I didn't even have the time to do the patterns, so to catch up with the inktober prompt list, luckily, I snagged a bit from my designs. This one didn't get into the patterns, but was used as a design on our Redbubble store.

Theme's sad and hidden were done on the same day, day 6, since day 5 was the first skip I did. Forgot the reason why I forgot to draw on that day, I'm guessing I was tired about something.

Day 7 and 8 was a glorious one. Day 8 was the day I watched "Ako si Josephine", a local play that my mother had intended to watch with my sister but I ended up with the tickets and even added another amount to pay to my sister. (oTL)

The night of day 8, after the play, I was back on my table drawing for Petshap Inc's, and at the same time feeling tired and trying my best to think of an inktober to draw from the prompt. Thankfully I was in a "spent time with my friend and it was heavenly" hype, that it motivated me to draw a satirical irony about the concept of lost (I lost my motivation on day 7, but got it  back the day after). Then drew Chinito from the play "Ako si Josephine", to represent Josephine's (and Helena's sort of) rock, metaphorical or not. (laugh, laugh)

The illustration for broken was basically the most bizarre that I had to hunt down where I posted it.

This illustration was the first I did in combining two themes in one, jump from day 10 and transport for day 11. End result, a pogo stick.

 

Again, skipping a day and doing them both in one, add the joy of using my new pen brushes. Day 12 and 13, respectively worried and scared, are both the opposite of what the prompt themes are. One is a medic braving the battle field and the other a chubby ballerina dancing her way through the sunset.

Since halloween was basically inching closer in that corner I did a trick-or-treat tree and relax theme. Which I consider the most hilarious of what I've drawn for inktober and basically more composed than the rest.

Second cheat day, wet, and she isn't even technically wet. Tenshi no Tamago, the inspiration for this illustration, was one of the animated films I tried watching along with Watership Down and Felidea. All of which I did not get to watch in my childhood days.

Technically the third sort of fanart, themed battle, which I submitted on day 18 but originally was for cay 17. Amadea from the RPG Masquerada. Loving her for her strength and vulnerability in the story was my biggest pull. Albeit sincerely listing this game as one of the games that I will buy and play some day in my spare time. Money still escaping me right now. (laugh, laugh)

Days 18 - 19 - 20 were all squeezed in two a set of illustrations I posted in day 20, during a moment where I was religiously watching owl videos in youtube.

That's about it. So far the diversity of the styles and concept of my illustrations show too much that it's barely laughable, actually laughable. Mayhaps I will get to post another continuation of this Inktober stuff and successfully finish one finally!

Upopular Opinion 1-oh-something

Let me be honest. I'm afraid of the way I think about everything, not because it's explosive; it's because I'm so insistent in being neutral. Specially against the ever titular almost NO grey footing political battle. I've grown to view like this because to me there will always be sides of the story that one must be aware of. Yet, that kind of idealistic thinking will always end up killing one for either the ignorance or naivety it shows especially to the aggressive monotony of people and their beliefs as they end up focusing on things in pursuit of their hardened established principles.

There is honesty in this when I say that being neutral is almost the equivalent of being a coward, as if you aren't facing the "reality" or the "correct" truth that's already slapping you on/in the face; considering every kind of situation it can be applied and, on a note, specifically related to political genre's. Of course, I guess this is subjective description of MY experience and definition of MY neutrality. I definitely find nothing wrong about it, and at the same time (as I said a sentence ago, at least in similar context by creative description in a wishful stance) find it depressingly ignorant or naive.

These thoughts rose in regards to the latest issue concerning the anti-US protesters against the US embassy (link to the Feb. 2016 article I read where I kind of discovered "when" it all started, or when the first protest actually happened), where everything became a question of authoritative power and morals because of the violence that happened "especially" in the regime of the current president (link to a local news about it). By no means am I not going to deny the aggressive and "kalye" like actions of president Duterte, but it never pulled my hope and admiration at his skills to govern, yet these activities I cannot help but pull away from his method of governing and completely and utterly base the judgmental thoughts towards only the concerned party. The police managing the rally and the anti-US protesters.

Clearly this will be unconsciously blamed unto "the man in the throne", who in the few months had the chance to "show" what he can do, has clearly shown complete support and true interest to raise the power of our local defense forces. Or mayhaps there will be a majority that will just truly roast or grill the police force. Knowing the situation and the people of this country I currently reside in, whatever excuse or act of self guilt and apology the police will declare or do; those who handled the job, and probably every single police in the country, will never be truly respected in a level that which is not higher than anyone but fair to the people they so "promised" to serve and protect.

To me being neutral helps me face all the possibilities and conspiracies that can and might've actually been the true cause. There will never be a time for me to know true evidence except for what the news truthfully say, no matter how click bait or misleading anything is composed in their article or title. Yet, in situations like these, like a jury in court, there will always be a heavier burden to lean on. That burden falls completely to, in all honesty of my accepted analysis towards "authority" and pledged responsibility in a societal standard in accordance to oaths towards the government of a democratic reign (or just the law, established circa I cannot remember but I'm sure it's around the time of the American stay, and when I mean established completely imposed and agreed upon cause it could've sounded quite appealing to the then people who sat in the political chairs), the police.

Here comes the rock that hits me hard. I can never, ever, not mention in my point of view that the protesters has at least a high percent of fault as the police who retaliated in complete aggression to the protesters actions. Never, can I not state and remind that those people (excuse me, in a douche like opinion) "had it coming".

See, not a really popular opinion. Well now, how do I tread on this? Say I was given the mallet to judge who should be scourged in the results of the events, I will say this and will not regret it, both sides. If they do not accept such a decision or opinion, then none. No one was at fault in the end. No one will perish, only have their self inflicted guilt driven into their minds.

Clearly an unacceptable mind set, because I am aware for the fact that in reality only one, who's responsibility and actions is weighed more by their oath through the government's moral codes, should clearly say they are sorry, accept they we're at fault, and pay for their actions. Such inhuman actions must be scorned and pulled into a gutter, punished for their misdeeds by clear societal judgment and blight of severance equal to an unfair cross examination of their psyche and trauma.

Now we all know these are hypocritical statements, nothing short of obvious? Violent judgmental thoughts, all for an ending that is completely passive aggressive. I'm not a very silent person with my point of view, but I always find a way to keep my tongue from lashing. Especially if I end up seeing that their is a clear fault to both sides and everyone else just blames one side. I find it unfair, but I'm not denying the truth of the greater responsibility.

To this I end my self inflicted pains and tell that this doesn't mean that I do not have black and white thoughts of judgmental blaming, blind to the injustice and simply irresponsible of my own frivolity. There will always be a side like that in one person, I just personally choose which of them I should allow to prevail. Or, just as confusingly accept them like a lost child who doesn't really need a house because they're clearly rich in secret.

Songs and how many of them recently just rings my bell

Today I listened to a cover of this song, and no matter what version I listened to it said tons of things about life that I cannot for a second NOT say anything about.

I've always appreciated Lady Gaga and her prowess to compose and sing abilities, despite there being tons of others like it, her charm is different and incomparable. Of course expect this part of society to sing praises of the song cause it just triggered good stuff inside of me, I didn't have the time to criticize it because of the power of my empathy to relate to the lyrics.

If you just give the time of your life, go listen to the original or just pass by to your favourite song cover artist and listen to it. Don't criticize their rendition, and just listen to the lyrics and relax.

Like those damned ASMR that I often listen, but a wee bit better than "thems".

So far, the first emotions that riled up in me was me comparing myself to the situation in a romantic sense, plus that one friend of mine who I think if this friend listened to the song will probably get why I remembered 'em in it that relates to romance as well. (laugh, laugh). After romance, it dawned to me that despite the lyrics having obvious nouns, or something akin to it, the essence of the song, the story it tells and struggles it gives an idea with comes as a good metaphorical analogy to hardships in life. Comparing it in a general sense. That's why this song, as it is a pop songs, is a relatable guilty pleasure.

This comes as no surprise to someone who is just barely a "hipster" on some mainstream artist nowadays, which is me, or it can be you if you've also got that blood of "you just like appreciating things that rings a good bell in your despite the artist or the source of it having infamous reputations".

On the other I've now appreciated being a "on the way to being" a Hamilton Trash (what the avid fans of the Hamilton Musical calls themselves). The song "Wait for It" is sung by the character, and famous historical figure, Aaron Burr.

There are tons of reasons why I can currently, and completely, relate to this song. Speaking in so many levels in my current life, I guess, and probably even my past self would listen to this non-stop after clearly listening to the lyrics like it was a hidden treasure missed at first glance.

Watching the musical might not be a chance for me any time in the future, but I'm glad the internet exists for anyone to listen to Lin-Manuels magnificent compositions.

Either way I'd be ecstatic to hear that you spent the time listening to these songs and formulating your own emotions of relatable moments played side by side with thought provoking self realizations, positive of course. Mind you I've just spent an hour singing "Wait for It" here in my room until I nailed the emotions and pitch to my raspy voice's utmost ability. (laugh, laugh).

Winmi Chronicles: Cat and Excercise

...well cats are really inspirational...

Keeping Tabs on my Winmi

Just posting random cat pics because right now im just in the mood to liven up my life by adorajuice.


Currently its just these ones and her pat pish toy. Lol.

Art Thing: fanism towards Leviathan and its art

There was a book series I sort of obsessed, in a degree, over back between the years 2012 and 2013 entitled Leviathan. The series is a sort of historical fiction steampunk book that focuses over a certain "part" of World War I. Which, I think, was pertaining to the Ottoman empire and the likes. Clearly I've little to no clue of the German, Union and Ottoman relationship during that era, excuse me historians. Don't roll on your graves, I'm not worth it.

Image Source

There are several highlights for this book that I swear will be biased if I stated them because it's based on my taste of literature or genre alone. However, I do believe the artist for the books illustrations is worth everyones money and time. Here I present one of the "awesome-est" artist for steampunk I've seen, and also admire in the level of putting details through his illustration.

< Keith Thompson >

No image of the person, yet

(thank god, cause I searched and found some random handsome dude...dunno who he was)

You can visit his website here: http://www.keiththompsonart.com/

I've never not given enough praises to any artist who enjoys putting heavy sketchy details into their work, whether if it's just a doodle or for work.

In this case, my admiration goes heavily on the steampunk concepts he made for the book. He's also got a deviantart that I might say is fairly inactive since I think it only features his works from the book. And, since the book series is already done, I guess it's fair enough to assume that it won't be updating anytime.

Below are some of the images I like from the gallery (http://keithwormwood.deviantart.com/).

Leviathan

Peace Treaty

I suggest you browse the gallery more AND his website, or you can buy the Illustrated companion book The Manual of Aeronautics, I think this image is also in the book. I have a copy of the book, given to me by my boyfriend as a christmas gift, I liked it a lot even though I didn't really show it much.

This isn't much of a glorified article putting his works on a pedestal, however I do get inspiration and determination to work just by seeing his art so if I were you I'd start browsing his works and get some good juices there. Or, if not just browse it for fun.

Update . comics . work

this is a really short update to keep my blog going. XD

been busy with work lately so trying to find time to do my comics was tight, specially i've got at least two job handling in a day.

i do however enjoy those nice silent moments where i get to draw my comics.

right now i can't post much of my images since most of them are taken using my IG app.

for anyone curious: pansikoser IG

Update. I've just logged in to my mobile to post some of the images i've got still here.

Bound in Blood . Preview Art2

The next stop, side character introductions. There were only a few side characters used for the story, besides the faceless random citizens.

This guy, well he doesn't really show up much in the first issue
 but soon you'll see him being everywhere in Dave's life.

Chief Pat Wilson. I based him on the first image
of an elderly "healthy" man with a 'stache.

That's right, it's written on the top "Stephen Colbert 101"
cause Tom Swanson, the reporter, was fairly based to Stephen Colbert.

Tom Swanson, paired up with a camera man!
You'll never really see how he looks like, but just in case, put a face.
Why not!

Lastly, news anchor John Reynolds.
Originally, I tried to look for the original one, but it seems like he really doesn't exist.

Searching for a good fit reference for characters that wouldn't even have that long exposure and presence in a story sometimes takes time, specially if you're going for a semi-realism feel and style for majority of the art. I personally enjoyed looking for a good Stephen Colbert reference since I'm a fan, but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy making for the others.

Bearing in mind about all the elements you need to keep when it comes to designing a character, the aesthetic of their facial personality and how you see them stating and expressing their dialogues is a necessary thing. If you can't imagine them being what they should be in the story sometimes feels mechanical. Something I learned almost in the middle of this progress.


Check our FB page: Bound in Blood
Support our kickstarter: Bound in Blood (not your average mystery comics!)

Bound in Blood . Preview Art1

Good day! In celebration for the release of Bound in Blood's (facebook) kickstarter here are some raw artworks posted online by the artist, yours truly!

 

Preview of the two important characters in Dave Ugarte's life.
You'll have to read the comics to figure which of the two is his romance and rock.

Study for Dave Ugarte's character design

Dave Ugarte's final design

So far the basis for the three characters are really diverse, Allison was originally based from a different actress but not someone that looks like Jennifer Lawrence. Although the feel could have passed as Kate Beckinsale or the likes. Having her look soft and pleasing to the eyes was the ultimate aim in contrast to Claire who is peppy and quite the character with a robust personality.

It was also a challenge for me to produce a specific look for Dave since the first chapter had little personality to show for him but only to his loyalty to the justice, and his loved ones, after the events of his past. So I depicted him somewhat borderline with an unsure expression but stern, that would soon be covered by a beard later on in the story.

Conversing with creator Patrick Goforth about the fruition of the characters was quite a thrill, specially crossing the lines of the character descriptions to pencil and paper.

To know further about them and their roles in the story pass by our kickstater and support our cause!

Bound in Blood (blood soaked claws of mystery and drama)