mentally stressed . self berate

Eventually this is a personal article with probably a low chance of anyone ever getting the content. So, I'm going to sum the content up by bullets, happy business like bullets that sums up any point in a professional like manner.

• (I want to change that bullet...) Definite profession discovery, and if I truly belong in it. How far can I go without loosing my heart the least, or something akin to it.
• Defying. Gravity. (yeah, that song from Wicked the musical) Sending feels in my heart like it gives a type of painful peace.
• Romanticism and the sense of confrontation I wish I wasn't fearfully reckless of. As if I can solve anything by ever rushing in, on several context. But I cannot tell if I have rushed in or not if the other party just ups and dismisses you.
• The fact that you're suppressing the pain of confusion. The strongest string of distraction pulls you away but you go back to the source and finding yourself not doing anything about it and you're the type of person that rather solve something quickly.
• The desire to be patient, on certain things, even though you have had some kind of practice with a level of patience. Which might actually be just delaying tactics.
• Why can't I hate or be angry or be annoyed for long? Why can't I hate as strong as anyone? Is there some kind of method to hate so strongly?

(by this point you can tell that the mentality and strength of the thoughts are gonna deteriorate in due time)

• Being uselessly annoyed but pulls the emotions down quickly because there is something better to focus on than irrationally thinking about it.
• Yet the pain of rebounding comes and you're back to square one.

Just listening to Defying Gravity, which I originally heard a rendition of Lea Salongga, gives you a nice pull in your heart. The right kind to feel so self absorbed in.

This song is such a keeper. Next time I hear about their local show in our theatres I have to go and attend it, even if I'm alone.