Pretending to be Inimitable

I used to have a story where the mother of the heroine, heroine named Rui, and her mother was the governess of realms. Like a queen, who used to have a husband but she soon let him go because of political reasons. The man was driven out by her and the council, and soon married a woman who was simple and needed him as well.

I remembered how I always felt that Rui's mother always looked sad but satisfied, knowing that she once loved the man she knew she would always be loyal to but her life and everyone around her prevented them from being together. Sort of like, she became workaholic, and somehow he didn't see it. He believed they could be together, but she knew there we're lesser chances of them being together, and to spare them the pain of it she decided to cut off her ties with him.

Left to her was their daughter, who understood how her mother loved him. The story had them as side characters, but somehow, that's how I wrote her. And that character was almost based to be mine, the mother, the queen.

What a foreboding thing to write about. How selfless but selfish the mother was to the pain, that soon even Rui her child would be solemn but optimistic. Rui was the reason why the met again, not because Rui wanted them to be together again in the flow of the story. The child was intended to save their realm from a certain danger, and it so happened that she needed her father and mothers help to do it.

They helped her of course, but their reunion was only a short time as both of them now has their own lives to live. He to his new family and she to her thrown that she must bravely and strongly govern.

I never knew how painful it felt when I wrote / imagined it, actually, I do. Just that, right now, I feel so sad. Especially for Rui who I sincerely feel her secret want for her parents to be together, but she had learned to accept both their families because she knew she couldn't force them into what she wants.

There's a certain finality with the way I wrote her mothers story. Rui's mother and her father were main characters to a previous story of mine. They we're lead characters in it, the father was the guardian of Rui's mother then, they ended up falling in love with each other. Silently vowing their support to each other like a pendulum of flowing fate.

But circumstances broke them apart, plus the desire for each one to fulfill something they couldn't fill for each other. That in the end, somehow they broke apart. Farther away from the pain.

Rui's mother is a selfish martyr who smiles proudly as she see's the man she once loved happy. While the man, who looked on smiling thinking she was good and well. Not knowing truthfully to each other that somehow they still love each other. Rui knew, but couldn't just ruin the lives they've built.

Definitive and painful. That's how I imagined my characters ending would be. By their subjugation into a circumstance that broke them, I gave a certain goal an opportunity to grow, however tragic, horrific or selfless this goal made them end up to be. Such willies of mine are completely painful. Right now my tears won't stop shedding for them, for those in similar state.

For children who hoped their parents would be together again, yet couldn't. To people who knew the truth of their friends reality, but couldn't help but watch as they unfold a painful disaster happen. All the helpless romantic emotional struggle of the third party who wants to say they shouldn't give up, they must have hope. Don't let that heart weaken. Strive to hold on.

Find a way to hold on. There is still hope. You know there is. Or should you tragically die a heroine or hero, who thinks they're doing the selfless thing when no martyr who died did not think once of regret for their efforts. That even saints surely in their time of death told God of how regretful they may die young, but grateful they will go back to his arms.

Find a way to hold on. And maybe there might be something to save from it. Hoping.

Also, hoping that the thing I wrote got conveyed pretty well even if it was written cryptically.

Bound in Blood-Issue 1 is out now!!!

This is a follow up on one of my projects I've worked on, in collaboration with an author, at the start of this year (2016) and I'm proud to say that it has been released and published online in Comixology (link here).

There isn't enough words for me to express my excitement since it's already been a month now since it was published.

Issue 1 is a slow pace, but it's action packed enough with awesome morbid mystery. Even the Chicago set that I wish I've seen in real life while I researched for references had me pumped.

Doing this project has set my heart to my true goal, especially now that I'm involved again with a new project that I'm currently working on. Details about it will be posted soon on this blog, as active as I can possibly do with my time. The set is fantasy with at least a steam-punk mix with medieval knights and the likes.

The story is as interesting and intense as "Bound in Blood", something I've enjoyed doing since I could remember illustrating my first heavily detailed and gorish art.

If you want to see some of my old works, browsing through my gallery SilentNitingale in DeviantArt would be a good enough. Nowadays I just post them through my Instagram account (if you wanna add me go ahead!).

Starting with this tiny step at this part of my life, I hope that more projects come my way so I could continue illustrating awesome stories. And even start my own.

Them Inktober stuff (so far)

This is just a re-cap post of mine on how many images or inktober illustrations I've done since I started participating. Usually I couldn't force myself to participate long enough with this kind of thing since in the past few years I was completely drained and busy with work. So far, I've just proven that by doing this, it means I've got more time to spare than I thought I had. Much positive, is that conclusion. (laugh, laugh)

Day 1 was something about Fast. So I just drew a snail...

Day 2 have something to do with noisy, so I looked up for the noisiest mammal and somehow the internet says it's the whale. I would agree, especially if I stood beside one and simply heard them "groan" out their call.

Day 3 made me think of something, and so far I didn't have anything so I drew a jar with snot in it. Which just ended up being a soul. Collect a soul.

This was my first cheat day, day 4. It was the week where we we're going to pass pattern designs in our art group/personal business Petshap Inc's. The week was busy, in a sense that I didn't even have the time to do the patterns, so to catch up with the inktober prompt list, luckily, I snagged a bit from my designs. This one didn't get into the patterns, but was used as a design on our Redbubble store.

Theme's sad and hidden were done on the same day, day 6, since day 5 was the first skip I did. Forgot the reason why I forgot to draw on that day, I'm guessing I was tired about something.

Day 7 and 8 was a glorious one. Day 8 was the day I watched "Ako si Josephine", a local play that my mother had intended to watch with my sister but I ended up with the tickets and even added another amount to pay to my sister. (oTL)

The night of day 8, after the play, I was back on my table drawing for Petshap Inc's, and at the same time feeling tired and trying my best to think of an inktober to draw from the prompt. Thankfully I was in a "spent time with my friend and it was heavenly" hype, that it motivated me to draw a satirical irony about the concept of lost (I lost my motivation on day 7, but got it  back the day after). Then drew Chinito from the play "Ako si Josephine", to represent Josephine's (and Helena's sort of) rock, metaphorical or not. (laugh, laugh)

The illustration for broken was basically the most bizarre that I had to hunt down where I posted it.

This illustration was the first I did in combining two themes in one, jump from day 10 and transport for day 11. End result, a pogo stick.

 

Again, skipping a day and doing them both in one, add the joy of using my new pen brushes. Day 12 and 13, respectively worried and scared, are both the opposite of what the prompt themes are. One is a medic braving the battle field and the other a chubby ballerina dancing her way through the sunset.

Since halloween was basically inching closer in that corner I did a trick-or-treat tree and relax theme. Which I consider the most hilarious of what I've drawn for inktober and basically more composed than the rest.

Second cheat day, wet, and she isn't even technically wet. Tenshi no Tamago, the inspiration for this illustration, was one of the animated films I tried watching along with Watership Down and Felidea. All of which I did not get to watch in my childhood days.

Technically the third sort of fanart, themed battle, which I submitted on day 18 but originally was for cay 17. Amadea from the RPG Masquerada. Loving her for her strength and vulnerability in the story was my biggest pull. Albeit sincerely listing this game as one of the games that I will buy and play some day in my spare time. Money still escaping me right now. (laugh, laugh)

Days 18 - 19 - 20 were all squeezed in two a set of illustrations I posted in day 20, during a moment where I was religiously watching owl videos in youtube.

That's about it. So far the diversity of the styles and concept of my illustrations show too much that it's barely laughable, actually laughable. Mayhaps I will get to post another continuation of this Inktober stuff and successfully finish one finally!

Upopular Opinion 1-oh-something

Let me be honest. I'm afraid of the way I think about everything, not because it's explosive; it's because I'm so insistent in being neutral. Specially against the ever titular almost NO grey footing political battle. I've grown to view like this because to me there will always be sides of the story that one must be aware of. Yet, that kind of idealistic thinking will always end up killing one for either the ignorance or naivety it shows especially to the aggressive monotony of people and their beliefs as they end up focusing on things in pursuit of their hardened established principles.

There is honesty in this when I say that being neutral is almost the equivalent of being a coward, as if you aren't facing the "reality" or the "correct" truth that's already slapping you on/in the face; considering every kind of situation it can be applied and, on a note, specifically related to political genre's. Of course, I guess this is subjective description of MY experience and definition of MY neutrality. I definitely find nothing wrong about it, and at the same time (as I said a sentence ago, at least in similar context by creative description in a wishful stance) find it depressingly ignorant or naive.

These thoughts rose in regards to the latest issue concerning the anti-US protesters against the US embassy (link to the Feb. 2016 article I read where I kind of discovered "when" it all started, or when the first protest actually happened), where everything became a question of authoritative power and morals because of the violence that happened "especially" in the regime of the current president (link to a local news about it). By no means am I not going to deny the aggressive and "kalye" like actions of president Duterte, but it never pulled my hope and admiration at his skills to govern, yet these activities I cannot help but pull away from his method of governing and completely and utterly base the judgmental thoughts towards only the concerned party. The police managing the rally and the anti-US protesters.

Clearly this will be unconsciously blamed unto "the man in the throne", who in the few months had the chance to "show" what he can do, has clearly shown complete support and true interest to raise the power of our local defense forces. Or mayhaps there will be a majority that will just truly roast or grill the police force. Knowing the situation and the people of this country I currently reside in, whatever excuse or act of self guilt and apology the police will declare or do; those who handled the job, and probably every single police in the country, will never be truly respected in a level that which is not higher than anyone but fair to the people they so "promised" to serve and protect.

To me being neutral helps me face all the possibilities and conspiracies that can and might've actually been the true cause. There will never be a time for me to know true evidence except for what the news truthfully say, no matter how click bait or misleading anything is composed in their article or title. Yet, in situations like these, like a jury in court, there will always be a heavier burden to lean on. That burden falls completely to, in all honesty of my accepted analysis towards "authority" and pledged responsibility in a societal standard in accordance to oaths towards the government of a democratic reign (or just the law, established circa I cannot remember but I'm sure it's around the time of the American stay, and when I mean established completely imposed and agreed upon cause it could've sounded quite appealing to the then people who sat in the political chairs), the police.

Here comes the rock that hits me hard. I can never, ever, not mention in my point of view that the protesters has at least a high percent of fault as the police who retaliated in complete aggression to the protesters actions. Never, can I not state and remind that those people (excuse me, in a douche like opinion) "had it coming".

See, not a really popular opinion. Well now, how do I tread on this? Say I was given the mallet to judge who should be scourged in the results of the events, I will say this and will not regret it, both sides. If they do not accept such a decision or opinion, then none. No one was at fault in the end. No one will perish, only have their self inflicted guilt driven into their minds.

Clearly an unacceptable mind set, because I am aware for the fact that in reality only one, who's responsibility and actions is weighed more by their oath through the government's moral codes, should clearly say they are sorry, accept they we're at fault, and pay for their actions. Such inhuman actions must be scorned and pulled into a gutter, punished for their misdeeds by clear societal judgment and blight of severance equal to an unfair cross examination of their psyche and trauma.

Now we all know these are hypocritical statements, nothing short of obvious? Violent judgmental thoughts, all for an ending that is completely passive aggressive. I'm not a very silent person with my point of view, but I always find a way to keep my tongue from lashing. Especially if I end up seeing that their is a clear fault to both sides and everyone else just blames one side. I find it unfair, but I'm not denying the truth of the greater responsibility.

To this I end my self inflicted pains and tell that this doesn't mean that I do not have black and white thoughts of judgmental blaming, blind to the injustice and simply irresponsible of my own frivolity. There will always be a side like that in one person, I just personally choose which of them I should allow to prevail. Or, just as confusingly accept them like a lost child who doesn't really need a house because they're clearly rich in secret.

Songs and how many of them recently just rings my bell

Today I listened to a cover of this song, and no matter what version I listened to it said tons of things about life that I cannot for a second NOT say anything about.

I've always appreciated Lady Gaga and her prowess to compose and sing abilities, despite there being tons of others like it, her charm is different and incomparable. Of course expect this part of society to sing praises of the song cause it just triggered good stuff inside of me, I didn't have the time to criticize it because of the power of my empathy to relate to the lyrics.

If you just give the time of your life, go listen to the original or just pass by to your favourite song cover artist and listen to it. Don't criticize their rendition, and just listen to the lyrics and relax.

Like those damned ASMR that I often listen, but a wee bit better than "thems".

So far, the first emotions that riled up in me was me comparing myself to the situation in a romantic sense, plus that one friend of mine who I think if this friend listened to the song will probably get why I remembered 'em in it that relates to romance as well. (laugh, laugh). After romance, it dawned to me that despite the lyrics having obvious nouns, or something akin to it, the essence of the song, the story it tells and struggles it gives an idea with comes as a good metaphorical analogy to hardships in life. Comparing it in a general sense. That's why this song, as it is a pop songs, is a relatable guilty pleasure.

This comes as no surprise to someone who is just barely a "hipster" on some mainstream artist nowadays, which is me, or it can be you if you've also got that blood of "you just like appreciating things that rings a good bell in your despite the artist or the source of it having infamous reputations".

On the other I've now appreciated being a "on the way to being" a Hamilton Trash (what the avid fans of the Hamilton Musical calls themselves). The song "Wait for It" is sung by the character, and famous historical figure, Aaron Burr.

There are tons of reasons why I can currently, and completely, relate to this song. Speaking in so many levels in my current life, I guess, and probably even my past self would listen to this non-stop after clearly listening to the lyrics like it was a hidden treasure missed at first glance.

Watching the musical might not be a chance for me any time in the future, but I'm glad the internet exists for anyone to listen to Lin-Manuels magnificent compositions.

Either way I'd be ecstatic to hear that you spent the time listening to these songs and formulating your own emotions of relatable moments played side by side with thought provoking self realizations, positive of course. Mind you I've just spent an hour singing "Wait for It" here in my room until I nailed the emotions and pitch to my raspy voice's utmost ability. (laugh, laugh).

Winmi Chronicles: Cat and Excercise

...well cats are really inspirational...

Keeping Tabs on my Winmi

Just posting random cat pics because right now im just in the mood to liven up my life by adorajuice.


Currently its just these ones and her pat pish toy. Lol.