Recently my friends are getting into this certain famous movie in our local cinemas. I'm saddened that I may be intrigued or even enticed to watch the movie somehow my habit in not immersing myself into something currently trending comes up.
Trending or not, I'm not saying I have anything against the movie, because I actually like the fact that the movie is historical. Although it's topic is not something I want to immerse into, I like the concept and enjoyment of seeing a kind of modern render of historical stories, however accurate it is or not. Still it saddens me that I envy them for watching the movie, but I hold myself back from immersing in the hype.
I. Am. Basically. Torturing. Myself.
The concept of being a masochist is well absurd. Yet, I am only tortured emotionally. By being envious of my friends sharing something in common while I won't be able to follow albeit knowing a little of what they are talking about, I basically indulge my envious self. Accepting being envious of them and repressing or subjecting myself to the temptation of watching the movie, in the end I will not really still fit in with the group discussion of the movie.
Mental arguments eats me sometimes that I fear lashing out onto people. A fear that once I share this kind of thinking or argument or discussion, even with my boyfriend, would just drive them away. Although I'm guessing one of these days I will be discussing it with my boyfriend since I am often times an open book about my self and my thoughts. Even if it sounds gruesomely neutral and vague in opinion.
Confusedly good and bad, all at the same time.
Discussing things at the heat of the moment and event, I am not good with. Needing the time to eat and think of things, arguing about the pros and cons is what I am able to stay strong mentally. How I end up with definite conclusion. To me, inquiring to people about opinions about a situation is something more confusing, unless I'm doing a research about their opinion and won't even matter to me personally.
Allowing myself to discuss it and reading things about it that contradicts each article opinion is a good way to develop a neutral mind.
This is something out of place.
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