TedEd . choices . possibilities and dead ends

There are times when you just can't stop yourself but spend time online, for better or worse, and for half a year now of my freelancing life I've spent my entertainment quality watching days of this freelancing life blood soaked in the world of Youtube channels. Luckily, for me, I've got friends with good taste for channels in comparison to my simple self who just bases it's own personal preference of decisions with sometimes shallow reasons, a.k.a. looks and probably day to day articles of life, except for pranks, my current self doesn't really enjoy those prank videos in it's entirety. Maybe in a different part of my life I might, either grow or just suddenly learn how to like prank videos. Any case, I've stumbled upon my better in current relationship half a video from one of it's plurk feed. This better half's video was from TedEd.

Source

I've yet to discover the origins of TedEd but I do know that the videos in the channel are, true to their slogan, worth sharing into this world of ours. Preferably a general knowledge type of channel. The videos are all animated by different types of groups / animators in accordance to the topic being read at hand. However, I am not here to further promote their well made life lesson sharing videos but focus on one video that got me tugging into a topic I would probably state afterwards.

Hedonism is one word I've completely forgotten what the meaning was, although there is this niggling thought in my head that it had something to do with something selfish.

The video focuses on the idea "what if you we're given the choice to choose only experiencing the ups of life". It further exemplifies and theorizes scenarios basing from the choices in ones life depending on the situation. Examples like the one on the video, which is common in everyday life scenes, it's a sort of probability thought until proven (unless you haven't watched the video, the scenario stated was: a woman is deeply in love with a man, but the man was secretly wooing the woman's sister; is it better for the woman to discover the truth and delve in the pain or dismiss it and indulge in the fantasy that they are the perfect couple).

This got me thinking about my life recently. That pertaining to my choice path of career. I've been freelancing for one year now taking on various graphic design jobs, like being a Shirt Art Designer, Graphic Artist, Caricature Artist, Book Layout Artist, and others related to Illustration and Publishing. However, I've been in a rise and fall slump, having more reasons where I have minimal profit although I have a lot of work. The freedom of choosing and developing my profession as an artist however is part of this life, although it's slow and quite unproductive, sad to say, most of the time.

Recently a relative of mine has begun to make it their mission to help me in finding a work career as it seems that my current one is too pitiful to watch. Even having hear them describe it as I was "the type of person that sleeps all day and needed other people to open up their choices in career to be able to move on from their current slump" (not exactly the words said since they we're spoken in our language, plus the words might be twisted because I don't really know how to translate it nicely in english, lol). Although the end thought is, the current one I have isn't working out well. That in itself my growth is considerably slow to nil. Probably, for their eyes.

After hearing such and watching the video attached, was my choice of work path something akin to a level of hedonism? Stating, I enjoy my current freedom in freelancing and, although slow, happy even to the point of proud that I can have time doing jobs that my skill set can offer for specific clients.

Although this doesn't prove anything hedonistic, speaking. Since for a part I have not mentioned anything that states I have neither experienced nor have any painful things to feel, which in reality isn't true.

This has now become a list of rant and things about the pains I see in my life, the ones I've clearly known but push away in hopes to give me self-esteem, confidence and even the driving force to move into the direction of the path I am currently "courageously" weaving. Presently a clear proof that I lack any qualifications to be hedonistic in nature.

A mighty conclusion for this is something that I should decide for myself. The video isn't something that gave me some providence like way of clearing the clouds, but it sure did add another batch of wild flowers on the half barren pasture I'm positive is a good field to spend time being happy with given enough time and good sources of care and growing.